Welcome one and all to the start of the 2010 VennMemorialField Wiffleball season!  I am Will Cena and I'll be heading up the coverage from the Wonder that is, the VennMemorial Complex.  Together with Dick Forskins and all of SportsCentral's award winning reporters we will be covering the sports top athletes.

This year will be no different from years past, controversy is already abound with the unconditional release of Brian Venn from the Boston Massacre.  It would seem that their was a serious fall out from last years 0-3 disaster.  General Manager Jeff Brisbin was asked by Venn's Agent Sammy Casanova to be traded or released.  This motion was granted and Venn was discharged unceremoniously 3 days prior to when his 3 million dollar bonus was due.  Some speculate that the famed Boston Massacre are in finacial straights, others closer to the story talk about a lack of offense the past few years created tension in what was already an ego filled locker room.
This reporter has witnessed Venn's frustration, consistantly allowing 3 runs or less per game.  Venn, in his career, had never played an entire tournament without getting a win.  A streak nine years in the making, lost because of a shortage in runs.

With a shortage of runs last year, what will the massacre do this year?  Looking at the stats, Venn had accumulated 105 RBI's in his career, the rest of the Massacre only have 94 including members that are retired... I sure hope Jeff Brisbin has some trick up his sleeves, or Massacre Fans are in for another short tournament.

In other news, "the Commish" has received many registration forms and spots are filling rapidly.  The Teams will be cut off at 16, no if's, and's or but's!  Well maybe some butt's....
this ruling, though not a popular one has sparked rumors that the Tournament may be extend to quadruple elimination because of the addition of the third field last year at Venn Memorial Complex.


7-10-10:  Exclusive Report!!!

Will Cena here, reporting from Venn Memorial Complex.  Some stories are building and I want to update you on all the latest developments.

First off a past Champion is returning as Porn on the Cob has now thrown their hat back into the ring.  What does this mean for Eli who is bringing his own team to the action?  Eli threw a No-Hitter when Porn on the Cob was last in the Finals.  What will Porn on the Cob do without their phenom arm?  This will sure be some matchup, should these two teams collide late in the afternoon on game day.  I know where this reporter will be when that game starts.

Secondly, it’s come to light that the Boston Massacre has done nothing to replace their slugger.  With all the hoppla surrounding Lebron James, one must ask the question… “Is the Talent to blame, because they want to win a championship?”  I have to question the reacting of Brian Venn’s ex-teammates on the Boston Massacre.  In the same instance as Lebron, Mr. Venn has received some harsh reaction to what is without a doubt, a business decision.  Isn’t winning a championship why professional athletes compete, being the best at what you do? It’s interesting that a team that was a proven competitor has now been reduced to what may be the equivalent of the Pittsburgh Pirates of Whiffleball.  It’s times like these that a General Manager would be expected to make some moves, and yet Jeff Brisbin is silent.  Though it did look like he paid off my colleague Dick Foreskins in that report airing on youtube.  This reporter doesn’t do fluff pieces, I report the FACTS, as I see them.

Till next time, this is Will Cena reporting for SportsCentral.


July 17th, 2010 – Exclusive Training Camp Report

Will Cena reporting from Venn Memorial Complex, thanks for joining me again with less than a week to go before the big dance! 

The competent grounds keeps finished cementing the new walls in place.  The Championship field is almost ready for the 10th Annual Venn Memorial Classic.  This reporter has goose bumps just talking about the subject, and the anticipation is driving me crazy!  Today’s report will be covering Revolver and Drunk Monks.

In 2010 the Revolvers are looking toward cashing in on the talents of the youngsters they have been cultivating over the past few years.  Austin and Josh have come into their own at the plate and the only question mark will be pitching.  The Revolvers offense has always come in a high caliber, if the pitching finally comes of age, this team could be making a trip to the elimination rounds late into the day.  Marc the team captain and general manager, is struggling through a arm injury that may sideline him from pitching the entire tournament.  If this does indeed become fact the afternoon could be spent by the pool instead of on the field.

A small glimmer of hope will be the rookie talents of Austin’s ringer.  Not much is known of this mysterious player and we at Sports Central look forward to getting a look at the highly touted new comer.  This player could be the difference in moving to the next stage in the tournament for Revolver.  This report knows that players like this are game changers, if they can cope with the pressure of the spot light.

My second report is covering the Drunk Monks, one of the most lush group of players ever assembled!  Drunk Monks have been on the outside looking in when it comes to the elimination rounds, and they hope to change that this season.  Team General Manager Brendan, has begun to look for talent in different circles.  With the addition of Moak and Molly last year, now JR this year the teams line up is shaping up to be a threatening one.  Teams that in the past have taken playing the Monks for granted should pay close attention, and not look beyond this team. 



We are weeks away, team rosters are being finalized and training camps are open....  This is Will Cena reporting on the Venn Memorial Tournament.  

That's right fans we are less than a month away and trash talking has already begun.  This reporter has begun compiling interviews and will be posting them over the next few weeks leading up to the Mid-Summer Classic.

All team slots have been filed and the cut off is 16 teams.  The commissioner has ruled that 16 teams is the maximum number of teams to be able to keep the format triple elimination.  The day is set to begin at 9:30am as a live, random draft will take place and teams will take the field.  The commissioner has already commented that if a team is selected and not ready to play it's a automatic forfeit.  A harsh stance in this reporters opinion, however I'm not hotseat trying to make this tournament happen. "The Championship game is scheduled to begin roughly at 6pm to make sure we have enough daylight to finish", the commissioner commented.

Some preseason scores to be aware of, Ramrod the defending champs took on a newly formed team and were beaten around the field.  Both games were mercy ruled with the Whiffle Kings coming out on top each time.  Jeff Paro, GM for Ramrod would not speak to the media after the debacle and didn't return my calls.

The Whiffle Kings are made up of two crafty veterans, Mike Morwin and Brian Venn.  This duo could open some eyes with the scoring possibilities to come.  Each player has a championship under his belt and both are eyeing their second Wrily Cup victory.

People are eager to see the return of Porn on the Cob, minus Eli. Since Eli is coming and bringing his own squad.  It's good to see the man that threw a No-Hitter in a Championship game returning to the sport.

Colt 45 and the Masterbatters are also teams to watch as they both were on the cusp of success last year playing late into the day.

For now this is Will Cena your humble reporter, bring you the facts.... as I see them. 


July 23, 2010: At Venn Memorial Complex

9:15 pm

Will Cena Reporting to you live, from the hallowed grounds of Venn Memorial Complex.  I just spoke with the Commissioner and the stage is set.  The rain tonight can’t put a damper on the spirits of the grounds crews.  Once the rain subsided the team was able to get most of the field up and ready with only minor items left to be finished before the lines are run on the field in the morning.  The food is ordered, the KEGS are on ice and we are ready for the teams!!

Tonight will be my final pre-season report for the first ten years in the history of Major League Whiffleball.  It seems odd to hear that, it’s been ten years…… well let get started. We have 16 teams in this year’s tournament, by far the largest turn out in history.  It’s no surprise to see many of the same faces as many teams move into their 5, 6 or 7th year in the tournament. 

One of the most familiar faces is a young ladies’.  Karen Paro is playing in her 10thtournament, by far the most of any of our female competitors.  Congratulate Karen on game day for outstanding achievement on the field.  Her passion for the game has helped bring Steel Erections to what could be a climatic season, with young up start Logan now growing into his own.  The team is poised to begin what this reporter see’s as a series of runs at the Cup.  The mixture of “Old” crafty veterans like Jamie Paro mixed with the young Logan Paro this team could easily breach the late rounds of the tournament.

The next team to watch is the MasterBatters.  Now with a few tournaments under their belt it’s time for this group to begin to climb the ranks of the MLW.  Behind the pitching and power Tony and Dave this group is ready to make a move and knock of some of the competition.  Last year was a break out year for Dave and the league and his teammates will look to see similar production tomorrow.  Their “lovely lady” Amanda has proven year after year to be a tough at bat, posting a .471 career average.  No pitcher can over look her in the line up.  Watch this squad on game day.

John Valaitis will be returning with the Ballston BallBags, a proud franchise, and now that John is a new proud papa, will the desire to hoist the Cup still be there?  Many in Vegas question the commitment and the desire of this club since we are not allowed at any of their “practices”, and the closed door policy of the club keeps all eyes away from this team.  Shrouded in secrecy, the BallBags will be looking to return to their championship form, and this reporter will be watching this club very carefully…..

Big news out of the PorkChop! Camp.  Pat Flynn the squads captain and leader in just about every offensive category, is rumored to be injured.  He will be getting a MRI done this evening to see if he can compete, and team spokesman would not return my calls for comment.  The question is, if Flynn can’t go, who does PorkChop! turn to, to take the mound?  What huge events seem to unfold on Tournament eve….

On to even worse news….. The Boston Massacre have reported in and they have made no additions to the roster to replace Brian or Mike in the lineup.  This reporter has to question Jeff Brisbin’s tactics, first laying out a line of a top of the line prospect to come out of the farm system in Boston, now…. No one?  Hhhmmm, this reporter smells a story. In the past Jeff Brisbin has been able to achieve the unachievable… “Jeff, you could never sign Brian Venn to the Massacre”, yet he did.  “Jeff you can’t touch that little dog there…”, yet he did.  “Jeff, you’re not supposed to have your pants down in public”, yet he did.  With that being said Jeff has always been able to prove others wrong, and I hope the same magic can be created for the Massacre tomorrow, my only fear is, Jeff Brisbin may be out of magic….

The last team I’m reporting on tonight will be the defending Champs…. Ramrod.  Can anyone stand against this Juggernaut?  With 3 future Hall of Famers batting back to back, this is a murderer’s row like none ever seen in MLW.  Kevin, Tony, and Jeff have accounted for close to 90 RBI’s in just the last two years alone.  Unless this crew runs into the hottest pitcher ever to grace the Championship field, this reporter thinks it’s highly unlikely that anyone will touch this team.  My pick for the day is Ramrod, to also become the first team ever to repeat as champions.  It’s never been done for a reason…… can Ramrod get it done?

In closing I would like to say what a pleasure it has been to bring you all the news in the MLW over the past 10 years.  I count you all as my family, and hope that this humble reporters stories can entertain you but also move you.  As I think back on all the memories of the last 10 years I get a bit choked up that some many good friendships and times that I have been lucky enough to witness.  The triumphs, the incredible loss, and the sight of so many eyes and ears looking and cheering for one another all in good faith.   It’s breathe taking at times, and sad when another year passes, but here’s to 10 more years……